Sick feeling...

Okay, so tonight was one of those nights where you get that uncontrollable sick feelings and it just won't go away, so I probably won't sleep well tonight. Ellie got upset at bed time tonight and ended up falling asleep in my arms. She said she didn't want to go to sleep. Now, don't get me wrong, she says that a lot, but tonight was different. I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn't want to go to sleep because God told her He didn't want her here. I was confused and asked what she meant. She said God told her He didn't want her here any more and that He wanted her in Heaven with Him. I asked when and she said right now. We've tried to explain that if we love God and do what He wants us to do, we'll live with Him one day. I still have that horrible feeling in my stomach, though. I know, that sounds bad and I shouldn't say that I want anything other than for her to spend eternity in Heaven...but I'm not sure if I'm quite ready for that yet. I guess this is a reality check for me. I've always wondered if we would raise a child who might want to serve overseas as a missionary and I've prepared myself to be supportive if that be the case someday, although I would be so sad to be so far away from my child. I want to support my kids in whatever they do, if they are following where God is leading them. In my head, I feel like God has so much more for Ellie (and Ava) to accomplish and that He's not done with her here on earth...at least, that is my selfish prayer tonight.